Distant

I watched the love of my life age without me

His laugh lines and crows feet grew

And the circles underneath his eyes darkened

I used to be there with him

In the moments where time could not touch us

But time has a way of catching up

And it has finally caught us both

We’re held tightly in its vice

Trying so desperately to rid ourselves of its grip

We now age together

But so very far apart

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Fixed

When the winter’s rigid breath burns your cheeks

And the bead of sweat stings your eye in the blistering August sun

When birds who cried in the Springtime are long past

And the white rays of the Autumn moon reveal a famished field

When your skin wrinkles, ashes

And your bones have brittled

You may finally lay down, old man, tired and contemptuous

Wondering how each season got the best of you

But elements are without intention

And have existed long before the first blade of grass

Still you shy from the mirror

And point a finger toward the sky

Only a thimble of time remains, old man

And you are without an answer

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The Cypress

There is a tree at the bottom of a barren hill.

It dips toward the earth, ashamed to meet the sky.

Everyday I may walk past the tree

and wonder what has caused its decrement.

But then I am reminded of my own betrayal

And see, too, how my back curves

and eyes sag

in response to the great weight of the world.

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Spite

All my scorn and wicked darkness brew in the cauldron of my lungs

eager to spill salty words into the open wounds of your past

But I may gaze outside my window

And notice the ground, which remains firm for wandering feet.

And the tall trees, who stand proud against the sharp wind.

And realize that there exists more control in the elements

Than inside me

As I forget to forgive

And I forget to forget

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I Only Loved One Person In My Entire Life

Thought Catalog

I loved a man once. I only loved one person in my entire life. I loved him since I was six years old. I’ve been in a million relationships. I’ve been an infamous cheater. I was always very loyal until my first, long-term, boyfriend died of drug overdose. Three weeks of using drugs and then—dead. Maybe it fucked me up or maybe I have daddy issues. I know my brother has mother issues. He can’t stay loyal for the life of him. The only man I loved, I should have waited until I got into a relationship with him. I was too young, too high, and too crazy. Unlike today where I am mellow, solid, and not nearly as high. And today I’m loyal. Cheating disgusts me; thus, I disgust myself. I must stop, before I loose faith. My life is a prison, ironic, considering I’m looking at prison time…

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Sedated

Tides of ocean blue
And lush valley green
Unravel in the galaxy of your eyes
Never have I wanted to sink beneath undulating waves
Nor sleep upon fertile hills
As badly as I do
As when I look into you

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Train Ride

Ah yes, the last stop

my head feels it’s going to pop

a few minutes until arrival

this ride has been a survival

test

a mess

still in my head

I think I need a bed

now I lay me down to sleep

I pray the lord my soul to keep

if I should die before I wake

that’s one less day I have to make

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